MORE THAN A FRIEND

LOVE IS A BITCH

Love is a game that we all play – we are naturally drawn to this mysterious force that causes so much joy all over the world, even if we try to fight it, even if we know that succeeding in love is an incredibly tough task to pull off. Ironically enough, my relationship to love is a hybris, as with every new blow of disappointment I increasingly hate how much of a sucker I am for love. Unfortunately, life isn’t your favorite romantic comedy, where you’ll always eventually arrive in your desired happy ending. More times than not, love fucks you over because as one of my favorite songs by Two Feet perfectly nails it: “love is a bitch“.

In theory, falling in love with your friend sounds like a perfect plan, as it builds a romantic relationship on an already existing foundation of mutual trust and understanding. However, reality tends to paint a different picture. Most likely because we don’t actually get to choose who we fall in love with, and the concepts of rationality, logic and sense have few to no intersections with love. Love does not make sense, there is no logical reasoning behind it.

I had to learn this the hard way. I fell in love with one of my friends a couple of years ago. She and I were such a profound, well-rehearsed duo that we were regularly mistaken for a couple. Our connection was easily visible to everybody who knew us. We had such an effortless level of understanding, that I felt no anxieties or fears, no need to display any fake portrayal – and instead just felt enabled to be who I really am. Sounds like a perfect image right? Well, unfortunately that’s all it ever was – a dreamy and unrealistic image. I had to watch her dating unworthy guys. Guys that could not appreciate her as the wonderful blessing that she truly was and subsequently always ended up hurting her in the process. I kept asking myself: why not me? When will you realize that I am more than a friend?