August 27th 2021


Love is a game that we all play – we are naturally drawn to this mysterious force that causes so much joy all over the world, even if we try to fight it, even if we know that succeeding in love is an incredibly tough task to pull off. Ironically enough, my relationship to love is a hybris, as with every new blow of disappointment I increasingly hate how much of a sucker I am for love. Unfortunately, life isn’t your favorite romantic comedy, where you’ll always eventually arrive in your desired happy ending. More times than not, love fucks you over because as one of my favorite songs by Two Feet perfectly nails it: “love is a bitch“.

In theory, falling in love with your friend sounds like a perfect plan, as it builds a romantic relationship on an already existing foundation of mutual trust and understanding. However, reality tends to paint a different picture. Most likely because we don’t actually get to choose who we fall in love with, and the concepts of rationality, logic and sense have few to no intersections with love. Love does not make sense, there is no logical reasoning behind it.

I had to learn this the hard way. I fell in love with one of my friends a couple of years ago. She and I were such a profound, well-rehearsed duo that we were regularly mistaken for a couple. Our connection was easily visible to everybody who knew us. We had such an effortless level of understanding, that I felt no anxieties or fears, no need to display any fake portrayal – and instead just felt enabled to be who I really am. Sounds like a perfect image right? Well, unfortunately that’s all it ever was – a dreamy and unrealistic image. I had to watch her dating unworthy guys. Guys that could not appreciate her as the wonderful blessing that she truly was and subsequently always ended up hurting her in the process. I kept asking myself: why not me? When will you realize that I am more than a friend?


But in her mind, I was always “just” a friend, and to add insult to injury, I was also the one she turned to for comfort after yet another disappointment with other guys. And that is what I did, even though it killed me inside every time. I wanted her to be happy as much as possible, no matter what it took, even if it meant that it made myself unhappy. My heart was hanging on to the hope that someday she would wake up and realize that what she needed had been by her side all along. But with every week, with every month that passed, this hope became more and more unrealistic and this technically beautiful image in my mind turned into a troubling curse. Being close to her was slowly but surely drowning me.

Eventually, I could not keep it in anymore and confronted her with my feelings. Turns out that she loved me too – just not the way I would have wanted. What followed was a lengthy speech of how much she appreciated and loved me. A speech that, in a different context, would have been quite flattering and humbling. A speech that, if drawn out of context, could be mistaken for cheesy wedding vows. And yet, she concluded with the statement that she couldn’t be with me because she loves me differently than I do. I am not going to lie: it was a truly bitter-sweet and staggering experience. It felt like having all the right answers to the exam, and yet still somehow failing the class. Like being inches away from your desire and yet realizing that you will never reach it.


Now, years later, I can (finally) credibly state that I have successfully moved on. She and I are still as close as ever, with the very important difference that I have found peace in being “just” a friend. What helped me to arrive here? Time? Hell no! This stereotype sadly only applies to Hollywood romcoms. It is a comfortable lie that we like to tell each other because it suggests that the pain will eventually fade away on its own. Because, in the end, successfully escaping the friendzone requires the courage to confront your love with your feelings. If you are lucky, your friendship will live on. If you are even luckier, you finally reach the destination of your desires and begin the first chapter of your story as a couple. If for some reason, she takes this profession of love as reason to distance herself from you, you have received the revelation that she wasn’t worthy of your affection and love in the first place, as she doesn’t want to ensure that you will remain a part of her life. Either way – you have successfully freed yourself from the tainting prison of the friendzone, as the troubling uncertainty of “what-could-be” is replaced with a clear horizon of “what-will-be”.

Chances are, that if you followed me until this point, you have experienced similar things as I did. Are you perhaps still in this situation? Yes? Good! I know that is a weird thing to say, so let me explain. Our song “More Than A Friend” is exactly meant for this situation. Where you are wondering if you should confront your crush with your feelings, where the uncertainty of “what-could-be” is an never-ending itch that cannot be scratched. Writing this song was a healing experience for us. Hopefully, this song gives you the comfort and courage that you need to show your colors and take a stand for your feelings.




November 19th 2021